It wasn't a sleepless night for me, I fell asleep quite easily. But I didn't sleep for long. Woke up just a couple of hours later and I'm not feeling sleepy.
4 weeks of what I would say is one of the most significant moment of my life. From getting know a person, until fell for her, until play the guessing what's on her mind, until everything is crystal clean and finally until everything is over.
Before starting to write again, it's needed to tell all the readers what's my view on God. I do believe there is a higher power out there who keeps on watching us. I do believe that this life is just a phase, we will one day complete the journey here and move on to the next, whether it's the afterlife or the reborn, I don't know. What I never believe is what any other religious says and describe about God. Anyway that's just my personal view and it's not a topic to debate here.
I also believe that I am given difficult situations as tests by the higher power above, to see how I respond to them. Whether I will respond to it with the faith I have or I will eating all my promises and taking a short cut.
At the same time, I also think He is really pushing the limit to see how far I can go. The situations get more and more difficult each time. There are times I surrender to it as I am really tired of it. There are times I stood strong and hold my words.
This time, it's one of the trickiest test given to me. There were more than one occasion when I almost give in, against all my principles to get what I want. But I didn't. I don't get what I want in the end, but I defended my pride. Although it's just something I promise myself and no one will even know I break the promise to myself, but I'm keeping it and I am glad for what I've done.
Will this move to a step towards a saint? No I don't think so. I just know that one day when I look back, I may regret for not doing something but I will feel proud because I keep that promise I made to myself.
The tests will keep on coming and I only expect them to be tougher each time. Maybe I can only get what I want after I passed all of them.